Why I turned down a calling.
as a note this post was written back in May 2014...
I know GASP...but Syndy you're not EVER supposed to turn down a calling. These callings are from GOD...GOD! You told GOD NO? Sorry I won't be seeing you in the Celestial Kingdom...
Yes, it's true. I recently turned down a calling at church, and here's the big confession I've done it once before too. Let me give you a bit of back history on the last time I turned down a calling. I was 25 years old. I had just finished recovering from a major surgery and all the complications that came after the major surgery including massive infection, being reopened and let heal from the inside out, a month long hospital stay and not being able to hold my child for about 3 months. I was exhausted. I was also pregnant...yes...I had waited 3.5 years for a baby and that was the moment that Heavenly Father decided to bless us with a miracle (literally a miracle). When my good friend and member of the Bishopric called me into his office and asked if I could teach primary I thought I was gonna die right there. I told him I really needed to pray about this decision and I'd get back to him in a day or so. I prayed, counciled with my husband, and came to the conclusion that I was not ready at all for a calling teaching young children when I was still not feeling well and probably not going to be feeling all that great in the near future. It wasn't fair to me, it wasn't fair to the Primary Presidency that would be relying on me to be there every week with a smile and a lesson, it wasn't fair to the children that really needed someone who loved them and was dedicated. I called Brother Brown a few days later and barely made it past, "This is Sister Clark" before I started bawling. He was so sweet and nice and calmed me down and after I told him that I was going to be unable to accept the calling he said, "Sister Clark, it's ok. We still love you and it will be fine.". Those were the best words I could have heard at the time. I was feeling like a failure and the "calling guilt" was overwhelming. Shortly after that call I received a call to be the Ward Activities Committee Chair, a calling I held for 7 years and loved dearly.
Brother Brown and the Primary President didn't know all of the details of my life. They didn't know I was suffering from PTSD from my hospital stay and surgery, they didn't know that my pregnancy had me literally going crazy. I was having panic attacks and stress and they didn't know. Heavenly Father knew...he knew all of this and gave me the courage to tell Brother Brown no. I'm sure the calling was extended after prayer and consideration but ultimately I had to know what was best for me and my family.
You see sometimes Bishops and Branch Presidents have a ward that is staffed very well and working well and when an opening comes up for one calling they are hesitant to change things up too much. So they give the president of an auxiliary a name or two and tell them these are their choices to fill that particular calling. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing. Most of the time it works out well. I've been on the receiving end of those meetings as Young Women's President where I wasn't given much choice and it worked out just fine. In this instance however it didn't.
The most interesting part is I didn't lose my testimony after turning down the calling, I was still a temple recommend holding member in good standing with the church. I was not excommunicated, I was not shunned, I was not cast into outer darkness. I was ok, and the ward was ok, and the primary president still loved me.
Now fast forward 12ish years...
I had a calling that I was struggling with immensely, we are talking stressing me out, couldn't get a grasp on the basic concepts of the calling, didn't even really care if I was successful or not. I was having a hard time and it was showing in my life. Then something happened...I got calling hate mail. I've gotten calling hate mail in the past (hence the YW PTSD). Some I can deal with and others just hit a nerve and have me crying for days on end and asking to be released. This hate mail was the latter. I was begging for release and it came quickly. Even though I had only held this calling for a few months I knew in my heart that it wasn't going to get better and actually after the mail it was going to get worse. Then the call from a friend and member of the Bishopric came just as quickly. Again another calling that had me cringing in my Sunday Clothes...I knew I was going to have to pray hard about this one as well and get the council of my husband. I prayed, oh boy I prayed...and my answer was that it was ok to say no again. My husband also greatly counciled me to pass this one by. See the Bishopric and the Primary President didn't know that I was 3 months pregnant AGAIN, that I was sick, and just like the pregnancy 12 years earlier it is making me a little crazy and paranoid. The task of preparing a lesson every week was going to be the straw that broke this camel's back! So I said no AGAIN.
This time another calling has not come as quickly. I'm still a temple recommend holding member in good standing with the church, I still have a testimony, I still want to serve. I am not holding out for the perfect calling trust me there is no such thing. I just know what is best for me and so does my Heavenly Father and he has been my support though it all.
I guess my reason for writing this post is that we had a lesson in Relief Society on Sunday about this very thing. There was actually a quote in the lesson about turning down callings, how it will be to our detriment... etc, etc...I think that lesson was correct. If we consistently turn away opportunities to serve in our wards and branches then it will be to our detriment. I think that a person in our church who does not have a calling often times feels like they don't have a "place". Having a "place" and a job makes us feel needed and loved, and everyone no matter who they are wants to feel needed and loved. I don't however feel that turning down two callings in 12ish years is habitual. These calling for me came at a time when my emotional state was not sufficient to handle it. AND THAT IS OK! It's ok to not be Supermom and SuperCubleader, and SuperWife, and SuperEVERYTHING all at once. Each of us needs to know ourselves well enough to know what we need, because someone taking a calling that is going to send their world into an emotional tailspin is not ok either.
Maybe this makes me a bad Mormon, maybe this means I don't have enough Faith, maybe this means I don't have enough trust in Heavenly Father...I happen to think the opposite. This makes me a good Mormon, someone who is brave enough to say no when the pressure to say yes is so great. It means I do have enough Faith to know that I can turn down a calling and still have a testimony and still attend church without the worry of ridicule (now ridicule will come from some but not from anyone that really matters). It means I do trust in my Heavenly Father enough to know the answers to my prayers and act upon them, and to know that down the road I will have a calling that will be where I need to be and lift me and the people I serve up.
So there is my story.
I know GASP...but Syndy you're not EVER supposed to turn down a calling. These callings are from GOD...GOD! You told GOD NO? Sorry I won't be seeing you in the Celestial Kingdom...
Yes, it's true. I recently turned down a calling at church, and here's the big confession I've done it once before too. Let me give you a bit of back history on the last time I turned down a calling. I was 25 years old. I had just finished recovering from a major surgery and all the complications that came after the major surgery including massive infection, being reopened and let heal from the inside out, a month long hospital stay and not being able to hold my child for about 3 months. I was exhausted. I was also pregnant...yes...I had waited 3.5 years for a baby and that was the moment that Heavenly Father decided to bless us with a miracle (literally a miracle). When my good friend and member of the Bishopric called me into his office and asked if I could teach primary I thought I was gonna die right there. I told him I really needed to pray about this decision and I'd get back to him in a day or so. I prayed, counciled with my husband, and came to the conclusion that I was not ready at all for a calling teaching young children when I was still not feeling well and probably not going to be feeling all that great in the near future. It wasn't fair to me, it wasn't fair to the Primary Presidency that would be relying on me to be there every week with a smile and a lesson, it wasn't fair to the children that really needed someone who loved them and was dedicated. I called Brother Brown a few days later and barely made it past, "This is Sister Clark" before I started bawling. He was so sweet and nice and calmed me down and after I told him that I was going to be unable to accept the calling he said, "Sister Clark, it's ok. We still love you and it will be fine.". Those were the best words I could have heard at the time. I was feeling like a failure and the "calling guilt" was overwhelming. Shortly after that call I received a call to be the Ward Activities Committee Chair, a calling I held for 7 years and loved dearly.
Brother Brown and the Primary President didn't know all of the details of my life. They didn't know I was suffering from PTSD from my hospital stay and surgery, they didn't know that my pregnancy had me literally going crazy. I was having panic attacks and stress and they didn't know. Heavenly Father knew...he knew all of this and gave me the courage to tell Brother Brown no. I'm sure the calling was extended after prayer and consideration but ultimately I had to know what was best for me and my family.
You see sometimes Bishops and Branch Presidents have a ward that is staffed very well and working well and when an opening comes up for one calling they are hesitant to change things up too much. So they give the president of an auxiliary a name or two and tell them these are their choices to fill that particular calling. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing. Most of the time it works out well. I've been on the receiving end of those meetings as Young Women's President where I wasn't given much choice and it worked out just fine. In this instance however it didn't.
The most interesting part is I didn't lose my testimony after turning down the calling, I was still a temple recommend holding member in good standing with the church. I was not excommunicated, I was not shunned, I was not cast into outer darkness. I was ok, and the ward was ok, and the primary president still loved me.
Now fast forward 12ish years...
I had a calling that I was struggling with immensely, we are talking stressing me out, couldn't get a grasp on the basic concepts of the calling, didn't even really care if I was successful or not. I was having a hard time and it was showing in my life. Then something happened...I got calling hate mail. I've gotten calling hate mail in the past (hence the YW PTSD). Some I can deal with and others just hit a nerve and have me crying for days on end and asking to be released. This hate mail was the latter. I was begging for release and it came quickly. Even though I had only held this calling for a few months I knew in my heart that it wasn't going to get better and actually after the mail it was going to get worse. Then the call from a friend and member of the Bishopric came just as quickly. Again another calling that had me cringing in my Sunday Clothes...I knew I was going to have to pray hard about this one as well and get the council of my husband. I prayed, oh boy I prayed...and my answer was that it was ok to say no again. My husband also greatly counciled me to pass this one by. See the Bishopric and the Primary President didn't know that I was 3 months pregnant AGAIN, that I was sick, and just like the pregnancy 12 years earlier it is making me a little crazy and paranoid. The task of preparing a lesson every week was going to be the straw that broke this camel's back! So I said no AGAIN.
This time another calling has not come as quickly. I'm still a temple recommend holding member in good standing with the church, I still have a testimony, I still want to serve. I am not holding out for the perfect calling trust me there is no such thing. I just know what is best for me and so does my Heavenly Father and he has been my support though it all.
I guess my reason for writing this post is that we had a lesson in Relief Society on Sunday about this very thing. There was actually a quote in the lesson about turning down callings, how it will be to our detriment... etc, etc...I think that lesson was correct. If we consistently turn away opportunities to serve in our wards and branches then it will be to our detriment. I think that a person in our church who does not have a calling often times feels like they don't have a "place". Having a "place" and a job makes us feel needed and loved, and everyone no matter who they are wants to feel needed and loved. I don't however feel that turning down two callings in 12ish years is habitual. These calling for me came at a time when my emotional state was not sufficient to handle it. AND THAT IS OK! It's ok to not be Supermom and SuperCubleader, and SuperWife, and SuperEVERYTHING all at once. Each of us needs to know ourselves well enough to know what we need, because someone taking a calling that is going to send their world into an emotional tailspin is not ok either.
Maybe this makes me a bad Mormon, maybe this means I don't have enough Faith, maybe this means I don't have enough trust in Heavenly Father...I happen to think the opposite. This makes me a good Mormon, someone who is brave enough to say no when the pressure to say yes is so great. It means I do have enough Faith to know that I can turn down a calling and still have a testimony and still attend church without the worry of ridicule (now ridicule will come from some but not from anyone that really matters). It means I do trust in my Heavenly Father enough to know the answers to my prayers and act upon them, and to know that down the road I will have a calling that will be where I need to be and lift me and the people I serve up.
So there is my story.
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