Sometimes life changes and we are all trying to catch up
From day one I could tell there was something different about L...he is my 4th child and right from the start I could tell. I didn't know I could tell. I knew he was different from my other kids but I didn't have a clue as to why, or what our future would bring.
L was my most sweet baby. All babies are sweet you say, all babies are different. I know all babies are sweet but I mean this baby was SWEET. He slept through the night almost from day one, to a mom 6 hours is like an eternity so I'm calling it through the night. He rarely cried. When he did and all the normal boxes were checked, feeding, changing, hot/cold, he just wanted to be left alone. He would lay for hours on the floor on a blanket and watch life happen. Then he would just fall asleep and take a nap and it was wonderful. Being a mom of many kiddos it was like this baby was sent to me on purpose to make it easy. Usually I have a baby and think "I'm not ever doing that again" but with L I wanted another baby right away like 3 days post par tum and I was baby hungry. I remember L and I would dance around the living room. I'd hold him and twirl around and he was so happy. I was excited for him to wake up in the morning so I could be with him, that NEVER happens with my other kids. I love them all I am just very grateful for any alone/quiet time I can get. So this baby L had me wrapped around his little finger straight away!
No fast forward to when he's 15-16 months old. This little cute bundle of total angelicness starts to walk, and it's like all hell breaks loose. He's climbing into everything, running all over the place, won't stay in one spot very long, doesn't listen to a word I say and I'm about ready to pull my hair out. He doesn't make eye contact very well and ignores EVERY thing I say. I say his name and he doesn't respond to it. I figure that we have named him the wrong name and try a bunch of others to see if he will respond with no luck. I have to put a bright orange shirt on him when I take him to parks and museums so I can spot him at all times. I rarely go out and take him to people's homes because he is all over and I cannot even sit for a minute and have a chat with a friend. He has turned into that kid in our friends group that no one wants to come and play. He's rough and tumble and doesn't know his own strength, he pushes, and pulls, and breaks toys like the hulk. I start to wonder if this is how "normal" boys behave because C never did any of this. Come January I find out that I'm pregnant again and I start to think I have made a HUGE mistake. I often joke that CH was lucky he was conceived before L's brain when crazy...because that's the only way I could describe it. I read self help books and asked friends for advice. Everyone said it was a phase and it would pass and the books gave me some techniques that worked well for a short time.
I asked the doctor about his "spicey" ness because that's what we started calling it. She said he seemed fine to her because when she sees him for `15 minutes once a year he's an angel. So I was surrounded by people who thought I was nuts. Chris and the kids could see it but no one really put any stock into our concerns. He was perfect in pre-school and kindergarten. No problems accept the occasional speech therapy needed and a time when he cut his clothes with his scissors. I had no problem with Primary teachers, in fact the only time he was every kicked out of primary was the day I was the sub for his class! I did have to warn the primary about his scissor usage, and had to tell them that under NO circumstances should he be "let go" at the end without K or Chris or I there to take him. Other than that totally fine...unless he was at home. Playgroup was a no go if it was at our house. He would get over stimulated and start doing even MORE naughty things and cry a lot until the kids left. At school he would play alone on the playground.
Finally we met Mrs. King. She was his 1st grade teacher. The first time we met with her she had called us in to discuss L. Our first impression was that she was tough and not going to put up with anything and would brush us off. Boy were we WRONG! She took every suggestion we gave her and implemented it in her classroom for him. She utilized other staff and administration to help her when L was non-responsive and needed a break. She was amazing. During his IEP meeting there were A LOT of people there. More than usual. The school social worker was talking about L and with a scared look in her eye asked me "Mrs. Clark we were wondering if it would be ok with you if we evaluated L for Autism"...I think she was expecting a long pause and some sore of refusal but what she got from me was an immediate "YES"...FINALLY someone was listening and actually seeing L for who he was! I was crying and told the group that I had suspected this for years and couldn't get anyone to take me seriously. So that day the evals started. When all was said and done they had him with an IEP for autism based on what they found educationally. Now it was just a matter of getting a medical diagnosis, now to convince his doctor.
Thank goodness Dr. Rosa is awesome and despite her not seeing it herself she immediately put in a referral for Easter Seals and the questions began. I thought I had answered a lot from the school during his evaluation time, boy was I wrong. We waited 3 months for his appointment date. Finally the day came and it was grueling. He was exhausted by the end. I was too and I didn't even have to do much but answer about 500,000 questions! Thankfully the diagnosis process all happens in one day or I would have gone completely crazy. So we go back to the center and get the diagnosis of Autism. We also get a Sensory Processing Disorder diagnosis, and another diagnosis that's long and has something to do with his language processing. It's all very new to me, but I finally have a name...a name to why L is "different". I know most parents are afraid to "label" their kids but I was ecstatic! Finally I could get some help, finally I could look up things to do and to work on and have direction in my search. Finally I could say "I have an Autistic Son" and people would understand more, because before he was just a naughty kid, a kid that needed more discipline, a kid that was very hard to understand.
He's still the sweetest kid, he still has me wrapped around his finger, he still melts my heart with his words and smile. He's an amazing kid! He is the type of kid that will do amazing things, I know it!
So I feel like this is the start to a journey for us. I take it one day at a time just like before and I ignore all the advice from well meaning people who do not understand. I've joined a support group with Chris and it's brought so much insight to our days. So if you see my kiddo and he's having a meltdown or not speaking to you please understand that spanking him isn't going to help, yelling isn't going to help, sometimes we aren't sure ourselves what is going to help and there have been lots of days when I'm yelling a lot and threatening spanking and frustrated, so show us a little mercy, give us a smile, and show support.
That's all for now. Hopefully we will have some therapies in place soon.
L was my most sweet baby. All babies are sweet you say, all babies are different. I know all babies are sweet but I mean this baby was SWEET. He slept through the night almost from day one, to a mom 6 hours is like an eternity so I'm calling it through the night. He rarely cried. When he did and all the normal boxes were checked, feeding, changing, hot/cold, he just wanted to be left alone. He would lay for hours on the floor on a blanket and watch life happen. Then he would just fall asleep and take a nap and it was wonderful. Being a mom of many kiddos it was like this baby was sent to me on purpose to make it easy. Usually I have a baby and think "I'm not ever doing that again" but with L I wanted another baby right away like 3 days post par tum and I was baby hungry. I remember L and I would dance around the living room. I'd hold him and twirl around and he was so happy. I was excited for him to wake up in the morning so I could be with him, that NEVER happens with my other kids. I love them all I am just very grateful for any alone/quiet time I can get. So this baby L had me wrapped around his little finger straight away!
No fast forward to when he's 15-16 months old. This little cute bundle of total angelicness starts to walk, and it's like all hell breaks loose. He's climbing into everything, running all over the place, won't stay in one spot very long, doesn't listen to a word I say and I'm about ready to pull my hair out. He doesn't make eye contact very well and ignores EVERY thing I say. I say his name and he doesn't respond to it. I figure that we have named him the wrong name and try a bunch of others to see if he will respond with no luck. I have to put a bright orange shirt on him when I take him to parks and museums so I can spot him at all times. I rarely go out and take him to people's homes because he is all over and I cannot even sit for a minute and have a chat with a friend. He has turned into that kid in our friends group that no one wants to come and play. He's rough and tumble and doesn't know his own strength, he pushes, and pulls, and breaks toys like the hulk. I start to wonder if this is how "normal" boys behave because C never did any of this. Come January I find out that I'm pregnant again and I start to think I have made a HUGE mistake. I often joke that CH was lucky he was conceived before L's brain when crazy...because that's the only way I could describe it. I read self help books and asked friends for advice. Everyone said it was a phase and it would pass and the books gave me some techniques that worked well for a short time.
I asked the doctor about his "spicey" ness because that's what we started calling it. She said he seemed fine to her because when she sees him for `15 minutes once a year he's an angel. So I was surrounded by people who thought I was nuts. Chris and the kids could see it but no one really put any stock into our concerns. He was perfect in pre-school and kindergarten. No problems accept the occasional speech therapy needed and a time when he cut his clothes with his scissors. I had no problem with Primary teachers, in fact the only time he was every kicked out of primary was the day I was the sub for his class! I did have to warn the primary about his scissor usage, and had to tell them that under NO circumstances should he be "let go" at the end without K or Chris or I there to take him. Other than that totally fine...unless he was at home. Playgroup was a no go if it was at our house. He would get over stimulated and start doing even MORE naughty things and cry a lot until the kids left. At school he would play alone on the playground.
Finally we met Mrs. King. She was his 1st grade teacher. The first time we met with her she had called us in to discuss L. Our first impression was that she was tough and not going to put up with anything and would brush us off. Boy were we WRONG! She took every suggestion we gave her and implemented it in her classroom for him. She utilized other staff and administration to help her when L was non-responsive and needed a break. She was amazing. During his IEP meeting there were A LOT of people there. More than usual. The school social worker was talking about L and with a scared look in her eye asked me "Mrs. Clark we were wondering if it would be ok with you if we evaluated L for Autism"...I think she was expecting a long pause and some sore of refusal but what she got from me was an immediate "YES"...FINALLY someone was listening and actually seeing L for who he was! I was crying and told the group that I had suspected this for years and couldn't get anyone to take me seriously. So that day the evals started. When all was said and done they had him with an IEP for autism based on what they found educationally. Now it was just a matter of getting a medical diagnosis, now to convince his doctor.
Thank goodness Dr. Rosa is awesome and despite her not seeing it herself she immediately put in a referral for Easter Seals and the questions began. I thought I had answered a lot from the school during his evaluation time, boy was I wrong. We waited 3 months for his appointment date. Finally the day came and it was grueling. He was exhausted by the end. I was too and I didn't even have to do much but answer about 500,000 questions! Thankfully the diagnosis process all happens in one day or I would have gone completely crazy. So we go back to the center and get the diagnosis of Autism. We also get a Sensory Processing Disorder diagnosis, and another diagnosis that's long and has something to do with his language processing. It's all very new to me, but I finally have a name...a name to why L is "different". I know most parents are afraid to "label" their kids but I was ecstatic! Finally I could get some help, finally I could look up things to do and to work on and have direction in my search. Finally I could say "I have an Autistic Son" and people would understand more, because before he was just a naughty kid, a kid that needed more discipline, a kid that was very hard to understand.
He's still the sweetest kid, he still has me wrapped around his finger, he still melts my heart with his words and smile. He's an amazing kid! He is the type of kid that will do amazing things, I know it!
So I feel like this is the start to a journey for us. I take it one day at a time just like before and I ignore all the advice from well meaning people who do not understand. I've joined a support group with Chris and it's brought so much insight to our days. So if you see my kiddo and he's having a meltdown or not speaking to you please understand that spanking him isn't going to help, yelling isn't going to help, sometimes we aren't sure ourselves what is going to help and there have been lots of days when I'm yelling a lot and threatening spanking and frustrated, so show us a little mercy, give us a smile, and show support.
That's all for now. Hopefully we will have some therapies in place soon.
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