The Mother Tongue

Things I thought I'd never say...then I became a mother:

Put the sword away and eat your dinner

Do NOT handcuff the girls

I guess if you're gonna fart at the table fart at ours not someone else's!

No shooting anyone in the face

Don't pee on my floor (nod to Melissa)

It's just cat food

Eating dirt just builds his immune system

Is there any gushing blood...no...then you are fine!

(while talking to mom on the phone) No, I'm not doing dishes, I'm rinsing a cloth diaper in the toilet!

I can't leave you in the car, your brain will fry.

If you break your leg (doing something I just told them not to do), I won't take you to the ER.

Today is not a good day to go to the hospital so please stop doing (whatever I just told them to stop doing).

Do you want the pink hair dye or the blue

Let's get the black nail polish

It's just snot

Do not throw panties at out guests! (yes this has happened to us on one occasion, it was humiliating)

Do you have a bra on?  Let me see if it fits right.

Do you need to shave your armpits?  Let me have a look to make sure.

Get those Polly Pocket pants out of your mouth

Get in here and clean up the toilet paper off the floor the baby has been in the toilet again (only after 50 million reminders to close the bathroom door!  Oh, and don't forget to flush next time!

It's just pee

Nobody dies on your clock (usually while leaving the baby in the bathtub with C for a half a second)

If you play in the fire you'll wet the bed (not really Chris' grandma used to tell him that)

It's just poop

It's just spit up

It's just blood

Along with the things that I have said that I thought I never would I have also have found many strange and crazy things in their rooms while cleaning.  Just the other day we cleaned the girls and the boys rooms and found a pair of handcuffs cuffed to C's bed, and also a tooth in one of the rooms (now that grossed me out!).  

Along with these I also never thought I'd say:

You are so cute I could squeeze you until you pop.

Today I have to say I have found the "piece de resistance" of all things I thought I'd NEVER say to my children...especially the 6 year old boy who we affectionately call Bukee...wait for it...

wait for it...

you'll never believe this one...

"Come here and let me see your neck.  HAS SOMEONE BEEN SUCKING ON YOUR NECK?  You have a hickey!"


It's faded but it's there!


Yes people, my 6 year old and darling 8 year old were playing VAMPIRE the other day.  I didn't notice it yesterday because C insisted on wearing a shirt and tie to SF which covered it all pretty well.  

Thank you Stephanie Meyer

Comments

The Farmer's Wife said…
LOL! Twi-hards, I wonder where they got that? ;)
February 26, 2011 at 9:11 PM
Williams Family Dirt said…
HAHAHA!! Seriously we say the darndest things as Moms. Love your cleaning solution. I am glad to hear that you tried the homemade laundry stuff, I was interested in that to save $$, so thanks for your opinion on that one.
March 2, 2011 at 4:35 PM
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