Long row to hoe
The last month has been quite literally a page out of my nightmares. Last post Chris was in the hospital for 14 days. His hospitalization would last a total of 23 days, with not a whole lot of progress. He was sent home after those 23 days with a PICC line in his arm, a bag of TPN (iv nutrition), a bunch of pain/nausea/other unpleasant medications for us to keep up on. Also strict instructions from his many doctors that he is not to eat or drink anything (except a sip of water to take medications) for the next 30 days. This is after he has not eaten anything worth mentioning for 23 days already. They set us up with home healthcare that comes once a week to take his vital signs and draw blood. They taught me on the first day how to mix his TPN with multivitamins, flush his PICC line and run the pump that controls the amounts he gets. There is something unnerving about flushing fluid into a tube that is in your husbands arm that goes directly into his blood stream. I shake every time I do it. I think I should have some sort of degree or certificate after this is all over.
He is doing better at home. Let's face it people anyone who has spent more than 4 days in the hospital is gonna lose it a bit. It's hard to be home and see all of us eating and smelling food and not being able to have a single bite of any of it. Every time we eat he leaves the room and I cry. I have food guilt. He also can't get around to do all the things he'd like to or to play with the kids like he used to. It's going to take a while to get all that ability back, but it will come back. Baby steps is what I keep telling myself and we take things an hour at a time around here.
He cannot leave the house except for dr. appts. This is mainly because he simply doesn't have the strength to get up and down the stairs or ride in the car right now, also it's kind of a rule from the home health agency and our insurance company. Life as we know it has changed for now.
Among things going on with Chris I found out yesterday that I have Gestational Diabetes. Lucky me...baby #6 was the lucky charm. So I have a modified diet now too and will see the dietitian on Monday to get a plan and a glucose monitor. I'll have to check my blood sugar around 4 times a day. YAY!
Well now that all that depressing stuff is over I have to end this post on an uplifting note. Long ago when I was sick and had to be in the hospital for a long period of time we came out of that trial with a few lessons learned, testimonies strengthened, and love stronger.
Here are some of the things I've learned from this experience...
1. I love Chris so much it hurts sometimes. I have had my love for him questioned in the last week and I resent it. I mean it really pisses me off. No matter what you see from the outside of a marriage you cannot judge what is happening inside and what's in people's hearts. Just because someone doesn't show affection like you think they should doesn't mean they love any less.
2. Watching romantic movies while you have no one to snuggle with just sucks. don't do it!
3. My kids are very adaptable. They have been through heck and back the last few weeks and they have all pulled together and helped so much. Even the little boys. They are pretty much the best kids ever!
4. I can over come long time fears and phobias...although they will often times develop into new fears and phobias!
5. Priesthood power is true. With all the controversy and things that are happening in the world with women wanting the priesthood in our church I can attest to the fact that it is for men. We have had wonderful great men come to us and give our entire family blessings. This is such a privileged for our family. It is amazing to watch these men perform their God given duty with such spirit and strength.
6. People are good. I don't mean to make that sound less than it is because being "good" is a wonderful thing. We have had so much service rendered to us the last few weeks I will never in my entire life be able to repay it. People have watched kids, brought meals, taken kids to activities, taken kids to play, cooked food for us so our house wouldn't smell too good for Chris, sat with Chris while I had appts, visited and taken me out for a bit to clear my head, brought clothes for the boys over, taken the kids for FHE, bought us dishwasher soap, sent gift baskets, sent cards and gift cards, called to check on us, and prayed very hard. All of these things humble me and make me feel very loved. This all came at a time when I wasn't feeling very loved in my ward/town/friendships.
I'm sure there are many more lessons to be learned and I'm looking for them daily. Some good things have got to come from this!
He is doing better at home. Let's face it people anyone who has spent more than 4 days in the hospital is gonna lose it a bit. It's hard to be home and see all of us eating and smelling food and not being able to have a single bite of any of it. Every time we eat he leaves the room and I cry. I have food guilt. He also can't get around to do all the things he'd like to or to play with the kids like he used to. It's going to take a while to get all that ability back, but it will come back. Baby steps is what I keep telling myself and we take things an hour at a time around here.
He cannot leave the house except for dr. appts. This is mainly because he simply doesn't have the strength to get up and down the stairs or ride in the car right now, also it's kind of a rule from the home health agency and our insurance company. Life as we know it has changed for now.
Among things going on with Chris I found out yesterday that I have Gestational Diabetes. Lucky me...baby #6 was the lucky charm. So I have a modified diet now too and will see the dietitian on Monday to get a plan and a glucose monitor. I'll have to check my blood sugar around 4 times a day. YAY!
Well now that all that depressing stuff is over I have to end this post on an uplifting note. Long ago when I was sick and had to be in the hospital for a long period of time we came out of that trial with a few lessons learned, testimonies strengthened, and love stronger.
Here are some of the things I've learned from this experience...
1. I love Chris so much it hurts sometimes. I have had my love for him questioned in the last week and I resent it. I mean it really pisses me off. No matter what you see from the outside of a marriage you cannot judge what is happening inside and what's in people's hearts. Just because someone doesn't show affection like you think they should doesn't mean they love any less.
2. Watching romantic movies while you have no one to snuggle with just sucks. don't do it!
3. My kids are very adaptable. They have been through heck and back the last few weeks and they have all pulled together and helped so much. Even the little boys. They are pretty much the best kids ever!
4. I can over come long time fears and phobias...although they will often times develop into new fears and phobias!
5. Priesthood power is true. With all the controversy and things that are happening in the world with women wanting the priesthood in our church I can attest to the fact that it is for men. We have had wonderful great men come to us and give our entire family blessings. This is such a privileged for our family. It is amazing to watch these men perform their God given duty with such spirit and strength.
6. People are good. I don't mean to make that sound less than it is because being "good" is a wonderful thing. We have had so much service rendered to us the last few weeks I will never in my entire life be able to repay it. People have watched kids, brought meals, taken kids to activities, taken kids to play, cooked food for us so our house wouldn't smell too good for Chris, sat with Chris while I had appts, visited and taken me out for a bit to clear my head, brought clothes for the boys over, taken the kids for FHE, bought us dishwasher soap, sent gift baskets, sent cards and gift cards, called to check on us, and prayed very hard. All of these things humble me and make me feel very loved. This all came at a time when I wasn't feeling very loved in my ward/town/friendships.
I'm sure there are many more lessons to be learned and I'm looking for them daily. Some good things have got to come from this!
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